You Can’t Give A Chef Mud And Make Dinner Guests Believe It’s Chocolate
That wasn’t the exact analogy I wanted to post, but you get the idea. Before I start off on this monumental rant, please watch the following video.
I have so much to say about this video! Let me begin.
First of all, and getting immediately to the main point of this blog post, you cannot give a virtuoso a terrible, horrible, ugly piece of music and pass it off as Music. Or can you? Apparently I have been proved wrong just by posting this video. Someone had the great idea to play this piece at Obama’s inauguration. So obviously you can take a wretched piece of ear damaging, nervous system paralyzing, intelligence insulting lines and dots (music) and convince people to say, “Hey, that’s magnificent!” if Yo-Yo Ma and Perlman are playing it. Now, if I went to our local coffee shop, The Porch, and played this piece I would get my butt kicked. My wife would begin the attack. Trip would be laughing too hard to join the violence. Sarun would be videoing and posting to The FaceTube. Someone would lose a pink umbrella, and the night would be over. (Sorry for the inside jokes.) It would not work under any other circumstances than Yo-Yo Ma and Perlman playing it. Wow. I was completely underwhelmed.
Second, it bothers me that accomplished musicians can say how wonderful this is when, obviously, it is horrific in every way. And believe me, it’s not the musicians. These guys are “pretty good” musicians. (Cynical remark.) I have no idea what this piece is, and frankly, I don’t care. You have got to judge music on the music and not the musicians or the composer. I say this – even if this piece was written by Ludwig van Beethoven himself it is still refuse. I continue…
Third, and this is funny at least to me, look how annoyed Obama looks and look how amused Biden looks. I love their reactions, and I love that Obama doesn’t know whether to watch, or not watch, listen, not listen, turn around, smile…he is totally confused. As am I. I agree with Obama. This piece needs Change.
Forth, look at Yo-Yo Ma. Is his expression one of happiness, amusement, or simply a silly expression because he cannot believe someone selected this piece for this event. I’m sure he’s happy to play this and get applause instead of a straight jacket. That has to be fun. Whomever selected this piece, and I refuse to research any of this based on how much the piece irritates me, could have very well selected it to annoy the crowd and Obama. Why not? Who’s going to argue? Yo-Yo Ma and Perlman are playing it: it has to be amazing. Really?
Fifth, don’t read anything into Perlman’s expression. He always looks like that.
I think I’m going to record something like this just for fun and post it on FaceBook and see all the crazy responses I get. My “non-musician” friends would lambast me. Half of my “musician” friends would hate it and spit on me (rightfully so), but…but!…the other half would comment things like, “Interesting use of the blah blah blah in the blah blah,” and try to appear intelligent. Would they? Would they? Mother Mary, I hope not.
I suppose that all of these points express fully my disdain. My nausea. My discontent with society’s view of what constitutes Music. I’ll give it this: it does evoke an emotional response, and that response is emotional vomit.
I’m being really delicate with my opinions, aren’t I?
So comment away all you people who are going to say that I’m musically illiterate and closed-minded and incorrect on every point. You will still be wrong after anyone listens to this piece. It is undeniably in the “prank” category at iTunes. I welcome any insults or debates. PLEASE. Keep in mind, I do not hate you, simply this piece, and our debate will be clean and intelligent and non-insulting. I shall immediately delete any personally insulting (to me) comments, but reply immediately to any half-way intelligent thoughts. Also, most of my remarks will begin with, “But it’s so darned ugly!” So we begin.
Two hours later: I’m very sad to report that it seems nobody realizes that this post is a joke. Of course this is not the real audio…here’s the real audio/video…a great performance…
